Decisions

Being in a relationship with someone who works constantly really takes its toll emotionally. On one hand, I might really admire their drive, discipline, and determination to construct a very successful life. It's quite appealing to see someone put their heart into their career and really take their responsibilities very seriously indeed. On the other hand, whenever work starts taking up almost all of their time, energy, and focus, the relationship can gradually start to feel second-best. I could end up having dinner alone again, waiting for messages that arrive many hours later - or discover that although we're actually together physically, some part of their brain remains back at work. After a while, this will lead to feelings of isolation, irritation, and a rather uncomfortable sense that I'm competing against a job I'll always come out on the short end of. The issue gets even harder if my partner truly believes that all of this work is essential - and that I really ought to just get it.

I've learned that coping with a work-obsessed partner demands a lot more than simply telling them to slow down a bit more often. Work can be linked closely to our sense of identity, financial stability, our own self-worth, fear of failing, ambition - or even avoiding unpleasant emotions altogether. That's why pointing out their schedule without knowing the underlying reasons so rarely results in long-lasting changes. Meanwhile, quietly accepting everything isn't very healthy either. My requirements for attention, physical touch, partnership, and meaningful time together still hold significant value.